FAKE CHI CHIX SALAD

Full disclosure: I used to work at the ill-fated Joan’s On Third Santa Monica. It was one of my first jobs after arriving in LA. I’m not going to cede any details I know to what lead to JOTSM’s demise, however, I will share with you two things: One, I have mad respect for Joan McNamara – the woman literally built an empire from iceberg lettuce, and two, my favorite lunch whilst under the employ of ‘Fake Joan’s’ was its signature Chinese Chicken Salad. I would forfeit the Asian dressing for Spicy Cilantro instead; therefore, defeating any purpose in calling it ‘Chinese.’

Even now, this quasi-Asian/Southwestern mashup is the only way I order my beloved shālā whenever I’m on West 3rd or in Studio City. When I’m not, I make do quite nicely with my own fabulous fake; using store-bought chicken tenders, crisp iceberg lettuce (of course), crunchy chow mein noodles (because, for some inexplicable reason, fried noodles aren’t as readily available at supermarkets in LA as they are on the East Coast) and sliced almonds. My dressing uses store-bought ranch, a few splashes of soy sauce, diced jalapeños and unspeakable amounts of roughly chopped cilantro. Not the real the thing – a forgery at best – but, imitation after all is the highest form of flattery.